counting the months and the moons, life in boxes, the flesh in travel mode; the soul in an intimate surrender of the truth and what its not:

i reclaimed a calm i’d forgotten about. through all this weather, i have peace; a deep-seeded joy which had been lost or discarded several years ago. to just be breathes the sweetest sighs within.

there is a lot of cleaning to do; lots of purging, lots of sweeping. but the heart is very home in me. i am very alive. thank you God for keeping me alive.

on days like these, when so thrilled to feel life in every pore, i go back to something i wrote in 2004; another spiritual year. its called [soul]:

You were there for me/
When this child face knew emptiness too early/
When darkness felt around my room and in it things of nightmare gloom/
The things no child should ever dream/
You held me and I let you go and found a way to forget the mess/
And fuck it all for worse or best. But you never got to cry for that/
You never got the voice to speak/
And so now please take my hand in time, we’ll dance in smallest feet with rhyme/
And color our heart with red and blue/
And show the world what got us through-/
So take this walk with me.

You were there for me when I needed to know the truth/
When I had to speak it regardless/
But when I had to see my root/
And turned to twist but all become that none of this is better done/
For who could hurt me worse I thought but here it is he’s got them beat/
The very seed my soul should need I need it not I need it not/
But you were there and I am here to let you know we need it not/
And we will shuffle through eyes wide shut/
And show the world what all we’ve got/
We’ll take this skin, its blood not then, we’ll make it work/
Dismiss the jerks and find it lovely in the end/
I’ll tarry with you in search for sense in search of timeless mends and things that never end/
So take this walk with me.

You were there for me/
When I hollered terror and no/
And no one in the world could hear the scream inside except you my dear my soul you keep/ the voice alive and though the moment has almost let us die and though I returned thinking I was better off, and this is as good as it got and I’m the kind of person that deserves to be so got,/
I’ve found away to let you know it won’t make us and it wont’ break us and that wont take us any farther than it has/
and that voice louder than any flag could stand any prouder for we have found in idfference together./
We have learned the truth and what its not and though no book was made for us or rules to follow spelled, we have conquered and created heaven in a place that know true hell./
We have died and come alive and through it all we have survived/
and you were there when no one was/
and so we sing in grandieur praise that if they heard they’d be amazed/
for what earthly soul could gracefully accept the pain the gave the hurt they made and still walk away with a stronger name/
so take this walk with me.

You were there for me/
When I couldn’t face my own,/
when I walked in trainwreck footing and followed hugnry mouths/
and let them eat and they devoured our very fruit our purpose, our flower,/
they took form it and gained to power and i lost myself in that very hour/
but you were there and I got out if it were for you I’d be that doubt that kept me down
And fucked with me and I fell down and grabbed the ground and held on tight and let them take without a fight/
but I wont do that I wont anymore cuz
You were there then and there before and held my heart while I was gone/
And you waited for me and made me strong/
and so my soul, lets dance with this lets take the moment and carry it/
and show this life all it can be/
We’ll take its lengths and all its strengths unknown to you and me/
and we will gain a better time, we will know a better time/
So take this walk with me.

You were there for me/
When I wanted to forget./
When I didn’t want to feel and I wanted to be unlet/
When I had to make it worse and I had to fuck it up when I had to eat the goodness and not mean anything to anyone or anything/
and there you sat in hopeless fat and I skimmed for the top of every day the darkness that can’t fade away/
so be here now we sit in this and wonder where is any of it but its in you, you’ve held it there til I came back or for the first and found a new/
my heart though worse form all the pain, the depth the shame you kept my blood like shelter, stayed warm and let me know/
I can not give away it all for you have kept the best for last/
and now that best will be forever and that will be far better than any day in our broken past,/
and we will climb every mountain they give us and we will take the challenge each day and we will rise above the hell that kept us down and put us in cell and stole the key;/
we stole it back and we will find our way on back to life that means more than they can know/
We hike through trails they’ll never know, we fall from skies that cant let go/
So take this walk with me.

You were there for me/
When I tried to pretend it was good and I didn’t need you to live and I could find happiness in the ways I like to give and here is someone I can give to that doesn’t mind me giving./
So I pretended it meant a damn to anyone else but us and kept on with my vowless face in veil unseen in ring unworn and loved like forever and nothing was better except what I wouldn’t admit to myself,/
so you held it for me til I got help./
And I’m sorry I put you through all that noise and I wouldn’t even let you have a voice./
But lets not dwell on things well done cuz I gave it my all and you kept a little back and now we’re here on this open road with no one to tell us which way to go/
and so how bout this way, another side of y,/
we’ll march through he faces and hit all the traces and unmark the makers that made us before,/
we are not the abused and we will not be let loose except from the bars that held us so far,/
we will take the challenge and conquer every midnight,/
we will see in better light and shine in grander spots of sight./
And they have never seen such glamour as we pose in our faulty step and stammer/
but we’ll survive we always have; without you soul, I never would have./
So lets go find a life to live and give it away in baskets of love,/
hand outs for people who don’t know the way,/
we’ll walk along beaches of better days/
So take this walk with me.

You were there for me/
When I could not swim in water,/
when I could not be my age or know a better father./
When I thought the truth was all they said, I knew no absence but the soul of my head/
and no pride I carried nor any hope for you,/
I had nothing to capture or try and no reason to live and no reason why its not better to die/
and the marker on the gallon that told me what to drink is the very bastard that told me what to think,/
but you were there for me and listened to the hero that couldn’t be there anymore but he was there til then/
and more and he held us like the sunshine and gave us a path to trace/
until we could find our own, until we could grow and make it known/
so for him and for you I take this stand now and grab it by horns and run along somehow/ with strength we didn’t know we had but we just take it and go with that/
cuz its all we’ve got and its more than they will/
so come with me and I’ll show you what fills/
a life and a heart and a soul and a skin and no one who is empty will ever enter in/
and we will carry goodness and we will care for them/
though they might never understand we’ll show them til the end /
So take this walk with me/~


One response to “transfer

  1. Pingback: nurse | Influx of The Spirit

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